Dear All,
This is in continuation of the earlier article I had written which is titled- He is in our Hearts. (http://bharani2game.blogspot.
"Hey you come to Kodaikanal this time"- these words of Swami kept ringing in my ears every second . As mentioned in the earlier article- I was enjoying my job because it really helped connect with my Swami within. I was also given an opportunity to travel to Singapore to attend an International Conference and Exhibition. I was thrilled and thanked Swami for this wonderful opportunity. Travelling really expands your horizons and it reaffirms the belief in me that- "paths are many but the goal is one". The goal of human happiness is common across all cultures and nations and happiness is pursued in different ways in different parts of the world. Observing this pursuit of happiness has always interested me and Singapore was yet another experience.
My sister's family was travelling to Kodaikanal from Bangalore on 15th May. I landed in Delhi on 15th morning from Singapore and immediately took the next flight to Bangalore just so that I could travel with my sister's family and reach Kodai by 15th Night. I spent 3 days in Kodaikanal in the divine presence. You must be now looking forward to hear some awesome stories and miracles that happened in Kodaikanal. Yes there were umpteen number of events that reaffirmed our belief that "It cant be anyother than Bhagawan". He made us laugh through his divine humour and HIS love really touched the deepest chords of our hearts and in the 3 days that I was there, I would have teared up atleast half a dozen times. Yet there was a void- a void so deep that it cannot be explained. In spite of a few personal interactions and instructions, I was not happy. Bhagawan had asked me to come to Kodaikanal and there must be some special reason for it. I was constantly looking out for this special moment when Bhagawan would reveal the reason why he called. Throughout the three days that I was there, I used to think- "Oh he is going to call me now and grant me an interview and in that he is going to make me feel special". I was running after him everywhere. At one moment I would be near the lawns where he was walking and the next moment I would be near the stairs. At the stairs he even remarked- "You were there and now you are here as well". I didnt care,all I wanted was that HE should make me feel special. Finally the trip came to an end and I was confused. My mind was saying- Be thankful to Swami for this golden opportunity, not everyone gets this, but my heart was still not happy.I even shouted at HIM in my own head- "You laid the red carpet for me by personally inviting me to be part of the Kodai trip and yet you are making me feel so miserable.Why are you doing this Swami". I had no other choice but to make peace with HIM and I came back to Delhi to resume work. It was tough for me to concentrate on work as I was all the time thinking about that missed special moment and I was constantly complaining to HIM how unfair he was to me in Kodai.
Let me do a little detour and tell you what exactly happened in MDH when I had gone there in April. After HIS speech, HE was walking on the carpet and as he spotted me, he said- "Oh you have come, Very Happy". I got up to ask him about Summer Course and he said- "You come for Summer Course". He then went ahead talking to other devotees and on the way back he said- "Hey, you come to Kodaikanal this time". I had not given much importance to the Summer Course part as I was thrilled that he had called me to Kodai.I knew it was going to be very special and I just didnt want to think of anything else, but I was disheartened after the trip. Now sitting in Delhi, I thought- Ok, Swami also said that I should come for summer course, may be this could be the turning point. May be he would make me feel special during the summer course. There was one delegate going for the summer course and I had booked my flight tickets along with him in March as the plan back then was to just attend the summer course. Kodai confirmation only happened in April. I thought for a long time and I made up my mind to go for the Summer Course. Now there was the problem of Leave. I had taken two days leave in April and again in May I had to take two days leave to go to Kodai. I very well knew that another 2-3 days of leave would be outrightly rejected. The only option I had was the emergency sick leave. I kept telling- Swami, I know I am doing something wrong but you asked me to come and I m coming there, that's it. There was also a faint hope that Swami is going to do something to make me feel special. I convinced myself that I might not be physically sick but spiritually I was definitely sick and I badly needed to meet the Divine Doctor. I term this Sickness of the Soul. 28th May, Thursday evening I left early from office,met my friend at the airport and by late night we reached MDH. The three day Summer Course was very impactful and Swami was present on all the three days morning and evening and he even blessed us with his nectarine divine discourses. I again had a chance to speak to swami and he lovingly recognized me as the boy who has come from Delhi. During one of the evening sessions he made fun of me as well. I was kind of happy but definitely did not feel special. My friend from Delhi who had come as a delegate was on Cloud 9 and kept thanking me every now and then for getting him. He was blissful but I was no where close to it. I must say the Summer Course had an amazing effect on all of us and each of us were geared up to take back swami and establish him firmly in our homes and hearts and we also pledged to take up service activities in our respective regions. Even with all of this, I was not happy. I told Swami- "I am going to take you back in my heart only if you make me feel special". I was definitely suffering from this 'Make Me Feel Special' disease. In the mean while I messaged my Boss saying that I m not keeping well(headache,fever,etc)and I would be taking Sick Leave. I repeated the same thing on the second day as well. The summer course got over. My friend and I left to the airport to take the late night flight to Delhi on Sunday, the 31st May. I sat in the car with a heavy heart and I again complained to Swami in my head- "This is not fair swami. When is the special moment going to come????".
Well the special moment was in the airport. You must be guessing that swami must have physically manifested in front of me and granted divine darshan and blessings. No No. As I was coming back from the restroom I saw my superboss and the owner(both sai devotees) of our company.They were returning from Parthi after having Swami's darshan. I panicked and immediately went back to the restroom. After a while I came out and started walking towards the Gate and it turned out to be that they were also in the same flight and they had boarded the bus which would take us to the aircraft. My friend and I were the last few passengers and the bus was waiting for us to board. I had no other choice but to get in. My heart started beating at an alarming rate. I just prayed and then jumped into the bus and as I saw them- I just said Sai Ram. My boss was surprised and said- "Hey what are you doing here"??.. I told them the truth that I had gone to MDH for the summer course.They knew that I was a regular at MDH. I had lied that I was sick and here I was face to face with my Superboss. I was embarrassed and felt I have let down Bhagawan. I kept repenting for not being truthful and prayed for forgiveness. I reached home late night and just slept. I was hoping against hope that my boss wouldnt have informed my superboss about my sick leave but it turned out to be that he was aware of my absence. I was scared. I called up one of our senior alumni brother and explained the whole situation to him. He told me one thing- "Brother, it is we human beings who define what is right and what is wrong. In the spiritual realm there is nothing called right or wrong. Remember, What god tells you to do is right and what god tells you not to do is wrong and for each individual right and wrong differs". Oh these words were so soothing to my ears.I confessed to him that I was feeling guilty for letting down Bhagawan. He just said there might be a deeper lesson that Swami wants you to learn and that is why swami has orchestrated this event for you.
I thought about it deeply.The owners of the company have a lot of respect for sai students. They had recognized my work in the past few months and had also appreciated the good work done. As said earlier, I was happy and was on a professional high. Everything seemed rosy and nice. Now all of sudden there is a situation where the trust they had placed in me was broken. They always treated me like an younger brother and obviously they were hurt because of this. I didn't know how to face them. For all you know it might take a long time to build back that trust. I felt miserable thinking about it.I was still fighting with Swami- "Its not fair. Firstly you dont give me that special moment and now you have put me in this situation.Why are you doing this Swami" As I was talking to our alumni brother, a thought came to me- Just a few days back I was all happy. Everything seemed to be in my favour and I thanked Swami for it. Now the situation was different. Can I still thank Swami for this situation. Can I still be happy and stay connected in the face of adversity. Perhaps there was a deeper lesson unfolding. Can I say that this situation was divinely orchestrated. How else can we explain me having to be in the airport at the same time and also to be in the same flight as my boss's. Deep in my heart I felt Swami has done this for me to learn the Lesson of Equanimity. When I realized it, I just looked at this whole situation as a divine leela and I just smiled at the Divine Doctor/Director.I was called and I went with a smiling face and genuinely apologized to my seniors for overdoing the sickness act.Perhaps this was a special moment that I was looking for. A certain sense of gratitude and peace engulfed my whole being and I very well knew that Bhagawan was smiling at me at that moment. So What Next----- Well, I will continue to smile at my customers, serve them happily and remain connected to my Swami within. I also have the confidence in me that no matter what the situation is- my connection with Swami would remain intact.
I am now looking at the whole event this way- Bhagawan's love for me is so much that he wanted me to learn a deeper lesson.The lesson of being calm and tranquil and be connected to him in all situations- good or bad, high or low and this he was ready to teach me at any cost. Swami I dont know how to express my gratitude to you for creating such a "Special Moment" in my life for me to learn the greatest lesson. Thank you for curing me the 'Make Me Feel Special' disease.
"Swami I promised that I ll establish you in my heart only if you make me feel special. You Have definitely made me feel special through this special event in my life. You reaffirmed again through Kodai and Summer Course that you are very much in our hearts and this gives me enough confidence to face any situation in life".
Jai Sai Ram
Regards,
Bharani Prasad
Phone- 9910582589
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